Opinions

If you haven't noticed this about me yet, don't start now, but I can be judgmental sometimes.

I really don't do it on purpose, I promise. I just get caught up in thinking about things a certain way, and want other people to understand. And then I vehemently talk about the things I'm passionate about, so largely that it can drown out any contradictory remarks. Some beliefs are so critical to how I see myself that even acknowledging other possibilities is like denying the validity of my beliefs and myself.

It's kind of a fucked up way to think about things. And so, I'm working on it.

Thing is, because I'm thinking about it, I start seeing it everywhere.

So I started thinking about these judgments that are everywhere and all the things people say and wondering where they come from, and it made me think about all the opinions out there, and where they come from, and what that means for how we live and interact with other people, and how to handle it all.

Our lives are flooded with opinions on what we should know about, think about, do, and buy. They come from news, radio, TV, billboards, stores, the internet, schools. They are in the minds and mouths of friends and lovers, families and coworkers.

These opinions cover many things. They tell us what to eat and how to exercise. They tell us not to smoke and drink, and to smoke and drink more. They tell us what to learn and how to learn it, who will be successful, which music and movies are hip, what technologies to buy. They tell us we are beautiful, and ugly. They tell us what we should be careful of, afraid of, plan for, pay attention to.

They tell us all the bad things that will happen if we don't know about, think about, do, buy X, Y, and Z. We will be ostracized, die young, or get sick. We will be judged. We will be bad people, bad friends, bad citizens.

Opinions aren't bad. Our loved ones are important to us, and we want to know what's important to them. Most of us want to be better citizens. Many of us want to be better people, and some opinions can help us figure out what all that means and how to do it. Advice can help us grow.

But opinions can have bad side effects, and too many can be overwhelming. They can make us feel self-conscious and keep us busy. We wonder what to think, amidst all the choices, and become paralyzed from so many options of what we should know about, think about, do, and buy. Or we just do and buy what we're told, and end up wondering where half our stuff came from, and why we have it.

Often, we choose things that are important to us, and think, do, and buy based on those. But we can forget where these opinions came from, and why they came in the first place. We also forget that they're opinions, and believe that they're Truths.

Sometimes, we think that everyone should believe certain opinions, and we tell everyone what they should be thinking and doing, just like us! We do it for their own good, because we want them to be happy, and to make the world a better place. Except that "better" is an opinion too.

We sometimes allow our opinions to become judgements. We get defensive when people disagree with us, because our opinions are ourselves, and we do not like attacks on Who We Are. Judgements can be hard to hear, and are often detrimental to happiness.

I am often overwhelmed by the opinions around me. I have often felt stupid when I was criticized for not reading the news, or watching the right movies, or knowing the right products, or wearing the right clothes.

I have judged people when I heard them talk about the wrong things, do the wrong things, or buy the wrong things.

If you get overwhelmed by opinions, if you are judgmental when you don't want to be, then I have something to propose. While we can't get rid of all the opinions and judgements in the world, we can become aware of them, and their effect on us.

And then, we can try to let go.