Habits

I have trouble with New Years Resolutions. I can't remember last year's, or the years' before, and neither can most people I talk to. Lately, I've started to suspect that maybe they don't really matter. (If you are one of the few who not only remember your resolutions, but also achieve them, good for you, and go jump in a lake).

But everyone always asks sometime in December or January, "So what did you resolve for this year?" Perpetually afraid of the scorned looks (I have gotten) when I dared to say, "None," as if having no resolutions means I'm self centered with no need for improvement, I planned a list. It included things like, Exercise More, Stretch, Write, Start Photography, Publish That Paper I Wrote Way Back in September, and Be A Better Person Always.

The list felt heavy, and futile. Sure, I want to improve myself. Sure, I want to do more things I like. I just don't really believe New Years Resolutions will help me. So this year, I have no resolutions.

Instead, what I really want, and what I'm trying to develop, are habits. I want a habit of writing, of exercising, of eating well, of cooking, of keeping my house tidy, of getting rid of unnecessary things, of dancing, of doing other things I love.

Well that's all sunshine and rainbows, but less than a month into 2012, I've already started falling into the most deadly of traps: Over-Enthusiasm.

What? Can one really be TOO enthusiastic? you ask.

Well, yes. You see, I get so excited about developing all those habits above, and dive so far into them, that my "habits" are unsustainable. I wanted to exercise, so I started running for forty five minutes three times a week. Guess how long that lasted. Go on, guess. (Hint: the answer is less than a week).

I wanted to to start de-cluttering, which resulted in near-tears and the inevitable failure to manage the buildup of dishes, or laundry, or mail. That's not mentioning the argument or two that may or may not have included the question, "Did you seriously just hide that dirty bowl in the closet?!" Apparently I have become a clean-demon wielding a vicious broom in the eyes of my poor clutter-blind boyfriend, bearing down on him with the vicious punishment of Hades at the hint of a stray sock or dirty dish.

I wanted to start photography, which has resulted in a grand total of less than ten photos. I wanted to write more blogs, and while I've partly succeeded at this, the majority of my blogs are unfinished messes waiting in the growing pile of un-published posts.

On the plus side, I am becoming a master at failing (see previous post).

On the downside, I haven't really developed any habits yet. So, I am going to try and (wait for it, I know it's hard to believe), have patience.

Instead of trying to change or develop twelve new habits right now, I am going to try and just develop one. Just a little bit. In the meantime if I have some free time and want to do something else, I will pause, and try not to do it. I do not need, today, to change many things. I need to change one thing, one thing so simple I can't possibly fail at it, and then do it tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after. Eventually, in a month, if I've done it everyday, I'll move on to the next habit.

(Disclaimer: This particular idea for doing things isn't really mine. I learned about it from Leo Babauta, who writes both Zen Habits (http://zenhabits.net/) and Mnmlist (http://mnmlist.com/), two fantastic blogs).

So, I am declaring my intentions now. My first habit is healthy eating (which usually means more cooking). I've started by trying to eliminate/reduce meat (especially red meat), eat more vegetables, etc... I'm trying new recipes, trying new foods I've never eaten (kale! who knew it can be delicious?! Just don't ask Brian).

I'm not doing anything too drastic. I'm not throwing out the leftover sausage and chicken in our freezer. I'm not cutting out all dairy (yet), I'm not purging myself with a supposedly body cleansing detox program. I am simply trying to buy more green things, and eat them, and eat slowly. In the meantime, I will do my best not to worry about clutter, or too much exercising, or getting rid of stuff, or publishing that paper.

And if I fail, that's okay, as we've already covered. I'll just start again, and do better the next day. Hopefully, (and it helps that I love cooking and trying new recipes), not only will I eventually develop a good habit of cooking and eating healthy, but this habit will be sustainable. If I'm really lucky, I won't even scare off my boyfriend with sweet potatoes, nuts, lentils, and vegetarian chili.

Then, next month, I'll have the energy and enthusiasm born of success to start on the next habit.

Wish me luck!